yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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