somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
