...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
