it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
