talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
