The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up under a house in Key West
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
