I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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