I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
