their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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