yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
