Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
