This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
