i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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