my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
