Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to sanitize my soul.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
