The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
