never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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