it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
