tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
