i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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