He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
