I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
