Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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