After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
