I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize