No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
