i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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