it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
