is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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