What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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