I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
