She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
