i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
