I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
