just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
