I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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