I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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