you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
time to smoke my breakfast
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
