I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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