last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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