He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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