i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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