I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
