Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
