That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
