I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
where am i from again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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