is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
