my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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