let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
