$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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