You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
