you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
