Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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