So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
