I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
