Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
