I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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