An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
