I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
