Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
