that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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